Friday, September 30, 2016

Post Brexit Britain Border Control

As you can clearly see, this detailed map of southern Britain is exactly what it will look like when the red line of border control is implemented. This illustration was secretly leaked to me by an architect from the Ministry Of Offence. {MOO}

Still in beta mode, the rocket being fired from just below Wales on the left, will not feature in the finished article.

2016-09-29 19.39.06

Specifically designed to keep outsiders out and,, insiders in. Not only will the Brits be totally cut off from the outside world, dictatorship will command that each citizen spends their annual holiday locked up in Centreparks riding a bicycle across sodden ground.

Note that northern Britain has been completely cut off from the plan. That´s because it´s always been cut off from every plan. Officially known as the north / south divide, it´s also known as the pleb / snob divide. {This pleb here originates from oop north and is witness to it} So where border controls are concerned my compatriots may end up with more freedom! Yess! Just think, a day trip out to Blackpool might go unnoticed by the authorities! No forms to fill out and submit, how wonderful.

Meantime the LONDON government for false promises to ALL Brits sits in the bar at the house of commons smoking weed, being drip fed whisky, while making hilariously nonsense policies. {For which the tax payer foots the bill} “Well, hic, burp, we´ll spew out the lies facts about the latest plan of inaction tomorrow, dress it up with spin waffle and they´ll all swallow it until the next U-turn.”  Thing is, a U-turn nowadays is more like a roundabout, they can turn any direction at any time.

“Heads up Mabel, you´ve just been asked to declare how much rent you collect from your third home, don´t forget to wheel the corked accountant out, he´s stuck on the M25 circular at the moment. Good luck, yours sincerely, the Ministry Of Transport.” {MOT}

So as the plans for battlements to be erected come ever nearer, there´s three small things the Ministry Of Walls {MOW} hasn´t thought of:

a) There´s not enough funds to build it.

b) There´s not enough border staff to patrol it.

c) IF it was actually possible to enforce or reinforce, whatever, there´s a huge possibility it would end up as a flood fence defence and sink. 

Then there´s that corker from the PM: “BREXIT MEANS BREXIT” she shouts it out loud, but even she doesn´t know what it means.

LIMBO MEANS LIMBO is much more appropriate, but she can’t say that because it’s the truth.

Oh my god, I´m so glad we live in Spain where,, well,, there is no government in power at all, and hasn’t been for months. Credit where it’s due, PM Rajoy has pulled this country up off it´s knees in the past few years. But in the second general election after the other one before it {simple terms, there´s been two with the same outcome} he still hasn´t gained the majority vote. Even worse, no other party will join in with him to make a coalition because they´re all not friends with each other. So he´s called “acting” PM and recently won a Spanish reality TV show called I’M A POLITICIAN GET ME OUT OF HERE. Shame really, there was only him in it.

Oh, and there´ll have to be yet another general election too, sometime, anytime will do, no such thing as rush or panic here. There´s even a reality rumour that the third election will be held on Christmas Day. The Spanish aren´t happy about it, so they might go for Christmas Eve instead.

“Mommy, daddy, can I open my presents now please?”

“Well no dear, we have to go to the polling station first, that´s providing there´s no freak rain and the car won´t start.” 

Poor Santa he´d have to work overtime.

I don´t normally do politics, but I´m really enjoying this so I´ll continue with the next political disaster in the making:

Across the pond Mr D Trump is doing a wonderful job of conning half the population into thinking he´s a god like figure who swears a lot, bully´s people, makes racist comments, lies a lot, has no policies, and dodges paying tax on his billions. Even worse, he also wears a very cheap wig that doesn´t fit his big head right, and wants to build (another, but different) wall between Mexico and the USA, AND make Mexico pay for it...

I mean, you really couldn´t make this stuff up could you? Such high class political entertainment from the “decision makers” when world war three is looming on the horizon.